So I park my car in the Trader Joe's parking lot, let's say about 100 yards from the door. Busy night. Parking lot filled. I start innocently walking from my car, when I start to notice a pattern. A very obnoxious pattern. One that makes me want to scream and kick and wreak havoc upon the terrible drivers of Pittsburgh.
These incidents are separate. One moron's mistake did not lead to the others. These are three separate drivers doing terrible things to ruin my life.
Let me also just say a word about the customers at the TJ's in Pittsburgh...I can't STAND them! They blatantly exude arrogance. I would love to walk up to one of them and say, "listen Ms. Yoga Pants and Mr. Hipster...we're all here. We're all buying 'cool' foods and catching up on the latest products. Look in my basket...I'm buying stuff here too!"
They just don't get it. And they drive like morons.
Really? REALLY??? Yes, the laws DO apply to you, city version of the soccer mom! And you there, greasy-haired tight-jeaned reusable bag carrier, you too must, dare I say, conform to the rules that we all have to follow!
Oh, and look around you. 90% of these people are carrying reusable bags. You're not the only one. So stop flaunting it like the ribbon you got when you pooped in the toilet for the first time.
God bless small river communities for taking poor wounded victims like me under their wings and keeping us safe from the terrible, terrible automobile operators of Shittsburgh.
And one more thing...you are no longer the city of champions! The Pens lost, the Steelers lost, the Pirates always lose, so take down those flags and burn those ugly t-shirts of yours.
Amen.
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